i like having you around.

i like my life a lot

Cursed with a love that you can't express. It's not for a fuck or a kiss. I'd rather give the world away than wake up lonely. Everywhere and every way I see you with me. Crowd surf off a cliff, land out on the ice. Crowd surf off to sea, float towards the beach.

If you find me, hide me, I don't know where I've been...

Are we breathing? Are we breathing? Are we wasting our breath? It won't be enough to make us rich! I'd rather give the world away than wake up lonely, everywhere and every way I see you with me. All the babies tucked away in their beds, we're out here screaming, "The life that you thought through is gone!" Can't wind down, the ending outlasting the move. I wake up lonely.

If you find me, hide me, I don't know where I've been. When you phone me, tell me everything I did. If I'm sorry you lost me than you'd better make it quick, 'cause this call costs a fortune and it's late where you live.

"when i'm lost in a crowd, i hope that you'll pick me out. oh how i long to be found."

its ahrd to believe that one day i will never see you again

today was an okay day.
music wasn't great cuz i was just hanging out with jesse and kevin and they're kind of assholes. but i guess it's because that's how our friendship really is right now. and maybe that'll make us closer in the long run. but at the moment it's just a piss off.
and then second was fine. i walked to the recs center with tyler before his co op and when i was walking back i just was sort of thinking about things.
about how, i have spent so much time worrying about what things are going to be like when my friends leave innisdale and other things like that. and i think that i realized i'm okay by myself. i like that i don't need anyone other than myself.
so i after this i didn't really feel like seeing anyone so i went to the library and found a new book to read.

tonight i'm going to newmarket and maybe i'll see gill but probably not.
i'm kind of dissapointed with myself at how selfish i'm being about this situation but i do understand that is pretty much just the way that i am now. and maybe doing something or just thinking for yourself, making my own decisions, is something i should do more often.
i feel bad because i don't want to hurt her. but i don't want to have this drag on, because i think that eventually we will both be happy.

used to be one of
the rotten ones
and i liked you for that
now you're all gone
got your makeup on
and you aint coming back

bleeching your teeth
smile like a flash
talking trash under your breath
(or under my window)

park that car
drop that phone
sleep on the floor
dream about me

so i guess that there are these typical situations that you can't really avoid. and these people that do these things, and your reaction, and their reaction to your reaction.

everything seems so complicated when it's really not.


i hate how, i always get what i want. but i wanted was never as exciting as i'd imagine.
it's hard to really think about the future, and all of the change that is going to happen.

i feel like i am just standing still and watching everyone fly by, making things happen for themselves. just the way i want to.


everything seems so dissapointing.

i think i want to quit smoking.
i'm in love with karen o.
uhm.
i hate i had 40 dollars yesterday to buy cigs and hair dye and whatever.
and now i only have 8 left, and i didn't buy either of the two.
ugh.
fuck.
anyway.
i'm sick and it's pissing me off cuz i wanna go out.

time without you drags me down, it all feels right with you around.


hm.
well ugh whatever, i hate livejournal. it's boring and i don't have anything to even write about.



( tell me what rockers to swallow )

There's a moment, there's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it", and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet there was one.